I quietly slipped into isolation. I put the pen down for almost two months. I often questioned myself within the peace. "Am I good enough?" Even with my tricky word play I couldn't write out the fact that I was insecure about who I was as a writer. My isolation grew evident, when my mother asked me if I was going to post anything soon? I nonchalantly shrugged. With wide eyes she said, "uh are you ok?" I knew I couldn't hide for long, in the dry place that kept me warm for a couple of weeks.
I, crept up on myself. My own worst enemy. Competing with no one, but everyone in my mind. Torturing myself with the fact that "they" were better than me.
I hid behind books and new blogs telling myself, I was looking for inspiration. I would write, but nothing was good enough. For so long I wrote from a hidden place; where it is always easier to tell your truths when there is no audience.
My spiritual mom spoke words so profound that it inspired me to share.
"Seasons are so vital. People don't know how spiritual everything is. Summer is a place where things dry up. Maybe God is trying to dry up some things in your life. As fall comes into season; He needs those dry things to now fall off ---your life. The problem is you keep trying to water those dry things, that are not meant to be watered.....REVIEW where you are at, and RETURN to what you need to do!"
In that moment I knew what she was saying. GET BACK IN THE FIELD!!!
From that night on I asked God to show me the dry places that I kept watering...........
Stop watering this idea that you are not good enough.
Stop watering this idea of what a successful mother, looks like.
Stop watering this idea of what a successful writer, writes like.
Stop watering this idea of what a successful speaker, speaks like.
"I have put my words in your mouth!" Write the things I put in your heart, so that thru you I may be glorified!
Needless to say.....I am still here! And God don't got time to be playing with me and the gift that He gave me. I was so concerned about how I sounded, or looked that I made this about me. Summer is ending. I pray you find the dry places that take up space and let it fall off. This is a call to trust the Lord......
"Listen to me, all who hope for deliverance---all who seek the Lord! Consider the rock from which you were cut, the quarry from which you were mined. Yes, think about Abraham, your ancestor, and Sarah, who gave birth to your nation. Abraham was only one man when I called him.
But when I blessed him, he became a great nation."