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“...may our daughters be like graceful pillars, carved to beautify a palace.”
-Psalm 144:12

My sin.

All together I thought I was like Him......
I mean to me my sin was mediocre
No one got hurt, no one would suffer
Harmless but carless
Cautious yet reckless
Spiritual but ungodly
The highway to hell was a hobby
Face to face with the devil in the lobby
I was to drunk to recognize his face
So I laughed without knowing my life was at stake
The repercussions of my fate
Distraught full of hate
Full of self taste
Self medicate
Self meditate
I prayed just to levitate my sin
Honor my word without actually honoring Him.
You know blessings and curses can't come from the same place
How you feel within?
Because....

To me my sin was mediocre
I mean at least Sundays I was sober
I'd go to church just to make myself feel better
Say things like
"God know's my heart"
Recite my pain like an open letter
The devil don't mind, he wouldn't let up
Right on time
He was there before I could even get up
Made his way through
He'd sit right next to me
Like "girl you know you play church well" 
Set up.
And still walk out fed up
Anit this about a.......STOP.

You headed to hell and not even tryna let up
This was me.
Good intentions. Bad decisions. False idols. Made believe titles.
Quoted scriptures. Broken hearts with no fixtures.
I craved the attention to make this a perfect picture
Yet couldn't see pass this picture.
So Sunday was just as normal as Monday
And by Thursday, I knew my agenda for Friday and Saturday
I was hung over trying to piece together my life for Sunday. 
Oh the fun day. 

But to me, my sin was mediocre
Face still, like in poker
I made my bed in it
Swam in it
Dived in it
And had the audacity to curse, and say His name in the same sentence
Watered down. Fermented.
I'm sorry I was drunk. You know I never meant it.
But I said it.
I lacked the comprehension of this very lesson
Unsteady
Dear God forgive me
If you came back
I probably wouldn't be ready
I was too proud
Too loud
To take His instructions and follow through
Committed to my own ways
But I wasn't as bad as them
You know?
At least I made my own money
Went to work
Made it to church
Focused on good vibes
Good times
The good guys
The good life
A good high
But you know that's a good lie

My sin was mediocre
My heart grew colder
My life unraveling
My kid watching this insanity
The example set traveling
Generations being established
Left in its madness
What has happened?

I'll tell you what. 
We so set in our own ways.
Wanting to live out our old days
Generational curses
Passed down, lived out like an old play
Fake makeup covering the heartbreak
Fake praying for the loveless
Fake movements with no substance
Good actions, ungodly satisfactions
I was a good girl, with bad habits
Standing on false beliefs
Mimicking the "good deeds" 
God looked down and said, 
"You are nothing like me!" 

"What right have you to recite my laws or take my covenant on your lips? You hate my instruction and cast my words behind you. When you see a thief, you join with him; you throw in your lot with adulterers. You use your mouth for evil and harass your tongue to deceit. You speak continually against your brother and slander your own mother's son. These things you have done and I kept silent; you thought I was altogether like you. But I will rebuke you and accuse you to your face. -Psalm 50:16-21

Lady Babylon

My Rant! (Free game)